The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
