is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
