Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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