Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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