Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
