i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me