He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future