Texts From Last Night

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  (906): View more from Michigan

  quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets

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  (906): quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets http://tfl.nu/q9v7
  Replies (11) Good night (666) Bad night (2494)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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  (480): Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room. (1-480): Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess? (480): You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about. http://tfl.nu/fd7a
  Replies (38) Good night (7330) Bad night (654)
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  (585): View more from New York

  we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist

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  (585): we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist http://tfl.nu/e75m
  Replies (19) Good night (6839) Bad night (682)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls

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  (504): i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls http://tfl.nu/i5gr
  Replies (12) Good night (4747) Bad night (885)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

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  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (13633) Bad night (1486)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.

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  (913): Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/4gbf
  Replies (17) Good night (1099) Bad night (3389)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.

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  (864): The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up. http://tfl.nu/edto
  Replies (6) Good night (2289) Bad night (986)
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  (213): View more from California

  I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus

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  (213): I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus http://tfl.nu/i6gi
  Replies (5) Good night (806) Bad night (1715)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy

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  (864): turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy http://tfl.nu/uoz8
  Replies (3) Good night (1107) Bad night (1181)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  So. She dumped me today.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".

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  (206): So. She dumped me today. (425): Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving". http://tfl.nu/4be4
  Replies (12) Good night (1168) Bad night (3342)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?

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  (630): He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling? http://tfl.nu/57n3
  Replies (9) Good night (472) Bad night (1702)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.

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  (229): He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb. http://tfl.nu/1qwr
  Replies (5) Good night (1970) Bad night (589)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?

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  (713): I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla? http://tfl.nu/e5jq
  Replies (8) Good night (1184) Bad night (220)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  someone needs to name a hurricane after you

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  (919): someone needs to name a hurricane after you http://tfl.nu/pqzo
  Replies (0) Good night (474) Bad night (122)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.

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  (585): I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits. http://tfl.nu/c0pb
  Replies (8) Good night (356) Bad night (637)

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