This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
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I have aggressive nipples.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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