just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
