we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
