My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
