I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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