I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
