i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
