Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
