I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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