Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
