life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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