The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
