Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
