You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
