You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
