I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
