pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
