I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
