I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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