Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
