i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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