She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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