I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
