What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
