I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
