2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
