How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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