3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
