I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
