He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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