I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
