i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
