Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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