At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
