We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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