your parents love me but you hate me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
