you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
