Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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