I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
