Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
