I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
