he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
