I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
