I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
