meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
