I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
