i already hear my dad disowning me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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