my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
