My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
