he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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