I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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