I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
