Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
