Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
