She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
