This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
