Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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