Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
