the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
