Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
