my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
