did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
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