put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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