Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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