Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
