No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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