Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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